but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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