Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
