she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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