Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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