My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Help. Why am I so naked?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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