4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
