took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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