she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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