I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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