its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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