I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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