just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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