Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
