thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
