apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
