nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
