Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think my cat just said my name.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
