your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
