We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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