All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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