How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
