So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
