fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
