Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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