happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
