idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
