return my video game
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
