I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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