I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
