This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
soo... how was my night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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