After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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