its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
