What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
