the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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