So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
