she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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