Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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