he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
