textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize