his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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