Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
