Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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