I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
