Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
