I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
