don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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