Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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