Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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