Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
