Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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