the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he shaved USA in his pubs
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead