my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.