I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize