The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dating After Heartbreak
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.