I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?