the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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