Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
