he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
