I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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