there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
