We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
