the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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