It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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