I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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