Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
