I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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