He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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