Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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