If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
