I feel great
I just peed on a car
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
