the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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